How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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