If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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