I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
