Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
