Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
