I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
