walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
