you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
