we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Randomize
