we're blogging at a bar
i came on her dog
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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