She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
