Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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