Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The power of my boobs compel you
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
