Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
