I'm going to rape someone's good day.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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