I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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