I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
they're like a gay fantastic four
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
