Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
