I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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