This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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