If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
