We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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