I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
