So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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