You're my little dorito
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
