I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
