I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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