And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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