yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
