I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
