whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My underwear smells like fireworks.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
