Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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