fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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