He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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