East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
