Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
