I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
