You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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