so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
