so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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