she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
