There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
