please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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