i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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