It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
