Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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