Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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