Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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