My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
