I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
