You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize