so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
