More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
