Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
