I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
