i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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