Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize