just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
