My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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