The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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