A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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