you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
