Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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