Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
