found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
