guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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