He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
