sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
