Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
