we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
