My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
