omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
