She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
