i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
